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Satirists walk out on strike over Daily Express front page
27 Jul 2005
Satirists across Britain have walked out on strike in protest at this morning's Daily Express front page, which read: "Bombers are all spongeing asylum seekers".
The striking satirists have been joined by teachers, most of whom were on holiday anyway, but walked out "for old time's sake". "If they're going to publish this tripe they could at least spell it properly," said an NUT official.
A spokesman for the Bootle branch of the International Satirists' Guild, which covers the reporters in DeadBrain's Right-wing Tabloid Nonsense Unit, condemned the alleged newspaper for going too far. "This is beyond parody and we are disgusted," he said. "We work by exaggerating the worst attributes of a person or organisation, but you really can't go much further than this within the confines of the law."
"It's like saying all asylum seekers are knife-wielding, granny-mugging paedophiles," he added, "but then they've already done that."
All but three of DeadBrain's staff joined the strike action, which will last until midnight tonight. A barrier was erected on the road outside the feted satire website's Bootle office, complete with burning tyres, oil drums and a number of stolen cars, not all of which were there already. In the Oxford branch, meanwhile, colleagues in DeadBrain's Toff Department - including the renowned Lord Douglas of Ramsbottom - decamped to the nearest fashionable coffee shop, where they dismissed the Daily Express's front page as "a jolly bad show" over a skinny latte.
The three remaining staff - thought to include the site's Editor-in-Chief, Gregory T Mullet, who is on holiday; the Liquid Refreshments Manager (known as the tea lady until she was contracted out to Capita in a failed 50-year PFI deal), who hasn't reported for work for a number of weeks; and a woman known as Bob who lurks in what she thinks is DeadBrain's Croydon office, but is actually a branch of Carpet World - were unavailable for comment.
A spokeswoman for the Daily Express told DeadBrain a sexually-explicit story in response to our questions. Reports that the publication's switchboard has been redirected to one of its proprietor's premium rate chat lines in a new money-making scheme could not be confirmed.
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Look at this, moron.
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