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Guardian journalist loses eyebrows during Daily Express condemnation
27 Jul 2005
A prominent Guardian writer has lost his eyebrows during a bizarre incident related to today's Daily Express front page. Michael Beard, a long-time contributor to the newspaper's politics pages, was busy condemning the headline "Bombers are all spongeing asylum seekers" when he told colleagues in the newspaper's London office that he "would not urinate on the Express, its proprietor or its staff, were any of them to - in what I believe is common parlance in the Glasgow locality - 'set on fire'".
To illustrate this point, Mr Beard produced a copy of today's Express from a nearby recycling bin and proceeded to set fire to it using a lighter he procured from a student on work experience. Staff were able to return to the building after two hours, but the floors surrounding the incident are expected to be out of use for several weeks. Fire investigation officers refused to confirm that the large quantity of liquor stashed in desks belonging to Mr Beard and his colleagues acted as an accelerant.
A spokesman for the Guardian admitted that Mr Beard was no longer in posession of a full complement of eyebrows, but denied that he had started the fire. "The work experience student in question will not be completing his placement," he added.
In a related injury, a Daily Mail leader writer has been admitted to hospital after struggling for hours to find a way of condemning the Daily Express without being utterly hypocritical. The newspaper's editorial team is meeting to decide whether or not to proceed with the condemnation and hope that none of its readers notice.
Related articlesSatirists walk out on strike over Daily Express front page27 Jul 2005
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Wow, look at this!
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