| |
Doncaster man declared World Darts Champion after rainstorm
Bricklayer Arnold Mullet was this week declared 2005 World Darts Champion following a torrential downpour in his hometown of Doncaster.
Mullet, who only took up the sport last week at the age of 53 after being invited to play for his local pub the 'Royal Duck', said: "This is an honour, a dream come true and the pinnacle of my sporting career to date. Today I feel so proud to be British."
Landlord Doug Ramsbottom said: "Arnold deserves this honour, and not just because he spends at least a hundred quid here every week. After our last darts match, and a bit of a lock-in, Arnold was the last guy to leave as everyone else had buggered off because it was dark and raining outside. That's what I call dedication!"
A spokesman for the Guinness Book of Records commented, "This claim has yet to be confirmed. We have not heard of anyone becoming champion simply because it was dark and raining outside. I'm sure that most sensible people would find that absurd."
Meanwhile, with rumours of knighthoods on the way for the England cricket team following their Ashes victory, pub locals believe that Mullet deserves similar honours. Eddie Ramsmullet, a regular at the Royal Duck for over 50 years, told DeadBrain, "Arnold deserves an OBE, a KGB or the like. He is a dedicated player and even got pissed through walking home that night. That's got to be worth something... and none of that MBE rubbish!"
However, Agnes Fullbottom, Matron of the 'Last View Nursing Home', is worried about the mass hysteria caused by having a local world champion. "I saw at least eleven pensioners cheering Arnold when he got the number 73 bus to work today," she said. "My residents used to see darts as 'boring and stuffy', but now it's suddenly 'exhilarating and sexy' and they are all at it. Half of them haven't taken their medicine for days."
The Met Office has been studying this weather phenomenon for some time. "We have identified definite sporting benefits in global warming as the equator continues to move northward," said spokesman Freddy Ramsmullet. "I think most people have realised that France and Germany haven't won much over the past few years and that the current world tiddlywinks champion comes from Greenland. By 2012 when the Olympics are here who knows how many medals Britain could win."
Log in to read/write comments on this article
Go on, have a look at this...
|
|
