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Davis: We must support Tory value of losing elections

Two more Conservative MPs hoping to be chosen as the party's next interim leader formally announced their candidacies today, bringing the total number of contenders to 48.

David Davis, a man who has long harboured ambitions of becoming interim leader, called for a return to traditional values. "We must be true to the now timeless Conservative principles of having regular leadership contests, doing badly in elections and arguing with each other about Europe," he said. "But we must apply those to today's problems, and that means electing me as leader."

"I'm still working on the why," he mumbled in response to an interruption.

Meanwhile David Cameron, aged 17 ¾, staged a school disco as part of his press conference. To the strains of "Scatman John" and with an amount of disco smoke most Westminster journalists had not previously experienced, Mr Cameron jumped about a stage decorated with flashing lights and a mirror ball.

After ten minutes of watching Mr Cameron's antics, and after refusing to dance to the Time Warp, DeadBrain's reporter asked why the Tory MP wanted to be leader. He replied: "Because I want to!" before sticking his tongue out and offering jelly and ice cream to a surprised colleague.

Reports that Mr Cameron attempted to hire Iain Duncan Smith as a clown have been denied by advisers for both men.

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