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Prescott to be recycled to save environment
Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott is to be recycled as part of the Government's commitment to cut greenhouse gases, it was announced at a press conference today.
The results of a year-long study into eco-friendly fuels concluded that recycling Prescott would reduce oil-dependency in the UK by 50% for the next ten years.
Dr Gregory Ramsbottom, head of the study, said: "The calculations are infallible. People can already power cars from chip-shop fat, but we could keep the entire UK haulage industry going for a decade with just one of his bum-cheeks."
A reduction in current emissions would be a useful side-effect. "It's been proven," continued Dr Ramsbottom, "that John Prescott is responsible for 99.4% of the carbon dioxide and methane output of the House of Commons. No Prescott equals virtually no emissions."
Dr Ramsbottom confirmed that there were plans afoot to use Prescott as a sustainable fuel.
"I've been in talks with the renowned geneticist, Professor Gregory T. Mullet, and he believes he could clone Prescott's useful fatty tissues such as a spare tyre, or cheek jowl. These could then be used to power most homes and businesses."
Prescott was unavailable for comment, but Prime Minister Tony Blair is rumoured to have told colleagues that he was glad that "John was finally bloody useful for something."
In related green news, a spokesman for David Cameron's leadership campaign has denied that he will do his bit for the environment by recycling Tony Blair's speeches, mannerisms and general leadership style.
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