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Clarke to publish 7/7 novelisation
Home Secretary Charles Clarke has caused outrage in Parliament, and rapture in publishing circles, with his decision to pen a novelisation of the July 7 London bombings, rather than settle for a dour public inquiry.
The decision is a break from tradition. Previously, when major attacks on a country's citizens have caused numerous deaths and chaos, the affected government has felt that a simple independent investigation of all the factors and persons involved would be sufficient. But Clarke wants to go further, and claimed his book would be a "rampant, knockabout yarn" that captures the imagination of the electorate.
"It will make you laugh, and cry," he told reporters. "I want my readers to identify with the heroes of the hour, to understand the terrifying choices they had to make, and how they always did the right thing at all times and never put the public in mortal danger by invading far-off countries at the behest of a raging madman."
Details are sketchy at present, but sources at Bloomsbury Press told DeadBrain that the character drafts include plucky Charlie Lark a jowly bruiser whose no-nonsense approach soon rids London of the evil Brazilian bombers lurking in its shadows.
The novel will also drift into fantasy at times, in order to put the events in proper context: "Clarke cleverly introduces Twiany Blair and Tweedly Tony for a dream sequence in which the entire nation at last understands it's all their fault for failing to back immediate legislation to put everyone with a funny name behind bars," the source said.
The government claimed MPs were broadly supportive of the Home Secretary's decision, although 524 of them did sign an Early Day Motion today calling for Clarke's immediate sacking and a vote of no confidence in the Prime Minister.
Clarke, though, was defiant: "Every great artist has to face his critics at some time or another, and I am no different." He will take that message on a tour of branches of Ottakars in the New Year and already has plans to turn the book into a West End stage show entitled 'The Scrotum Cometh'.
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