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Charles to be known as 'King Spike'

24 Dec 2005 by Sir Charles Cheese-Cake

The Prince of Wales is to be known officially as 'King Spike' when he succeeds to the throne, DeadBrain can reveal. The unexpected name change is a grovelling tribute to late Goon Spike Milligan, of whom the Prince was a huge fan. Not to be outdone, Charles's current wife, Camilla, will change her name to Diana in a blatant bid to win over the hearts and minds of the British public.

Charles, who is still waiting for his mother to kick the bucket so he can play at being King, has reportedly decided to ditch the title Charles III in a futile attempt to distance himself from, er, himself. Insiders have stated that Charles briefly considered using the name 'Boris' but this was quickly dismissed as no country in its right mind would ever allow itself to be led by someone of that name.

The heir to the English throne was christened Charles Fritz Wingnut Adolf Jurgen by his mother, Hildegard Freda Eliza, and his father, Stavros Minolis Philippoussis Roussos. As the son of immigrants Charles was often bullied at school for the funny way in which he spoke. He chose instead to speak to his plants.

A number of kings in the past have adopted one of their middle names on ascension to the throne – King George V's real name was Steve. It is thought Big Ears's own son, Wilhelm, will choose to be known as 'Derek' when he eventually becomes King.

A Buckingham Palace source said that by using the name Spike, Charles might be able to fool large numbers of the population into thinking he wasn't the same freeloading old tosspot who'd been banging on about modern architecture for all these years.

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