| |
Nation's toddlers offer to run tube for New Year's Eve
Revellers in the capital fearing a long and chilly walk home after this weekend's New Year's Eve celebrations were celebrating early last night after the UK's top industry body for nursery school children enthusiastically offered to take the reins from striking tube drivers.
"We like to TRAIN DriviNg!! I can be thomAS," read the statement from Todd Spack, chairman of the Guild of Toddling Brethren (GTB). He has called on all under-fives to assemble at "London station" to receive their "choo-choo clothes" by 1800 hours on Saturday.
London Transport bosses have publicly welcomed the move, even though some senior staff are said to be wary of entrusting the lives of tens of thousands of people to an untrained and unregulated group of illiterate dwarves. But Spack gives such doubters short shrift.
"They smell of poo," he told DeadBrain, "and wee."
Spack has courted controversy before, infamously sending 463 four-year-olds from Reading to their deaths during a covert mission to perform "soldier bang bang!" duties in Iraq. The expedition ended in tragedy on a poorly lit section of the M4.
But this latest scheme looks to be a winner. And to be certain, Spack has submitted his proposal only after intense negotiations with the relevant parenting authorities.
In a compromise deal, participants from GTB and other non-affiliated associations will have a proper tea at half past five, and can go train driving from 6.00-6.45 pm. They must then be ready for a bath and brush their tooty-peggles, and can watch Shrek 2 in their pyjamas until 7.30.
The proposal adds that Dad might wake them up at midnight to watch Jools Holland if he's had a bit more beer than he promised to Mummy.
Log in to read/write comments on this article
Have you seen this?
|
|
