| |
Weathermen and woodpiles in fresh BBC racism slur
The BBC, still reeling from Major General Cordingley's "nigger in the woodpile" gaffe on Radio 4's Today programme last week, has compounded the offence during the post-Christmas cold snap by persistently mentioning something of a "nip in the air". The BBC Weather Centre has reportedly received thousands of complaints from irate Japanese flight passengers, parachutists, and bungee-jumpers.
Under new editorial guidelines rushed out by the BBC over Christmas, the Weather Centre had already been asked to desist from referring to "niggardly" road-gritting councils, or to "black ice" or "browned-off motorists", and financial pundits – whenever they could take time off from trying to ramp the housing market – had been prohibited from referring to "Black Monday" due to "negative connotations which may be imputed". Even comedy quiz contestants had been banned from "sniggering". After this latest outrage, however, offenders will not only be subject to public censure, but will also incur 5 demerit points against their entry in the National Identity Register (10 points for anti-war campaigners).
"If it had been a kraut in the woodpile, then it would have been a different matter", Radio 4 insider Greg Mullet mused, commenting on the Cordingley affair. "In fact it would probably even have made tabloid headlines." Sources at the Sun – famed for its contribution to Anglo-European relations in the form of headlines such as "Hop Off You Frogs" – disagree, dismissing "Kraut Found in Woodpile" as far too tasteful.
Confused as to precisely where the boundary between racist bigotry and good old xenophobia lies at this exact point in time, Mullet emailed the Home Office a list of 100 assorted ethnic and national epithets and asked them under the Freedom of Information Act to categorise them into those which merit a public flogging, and those which sell newspapers. However, Mullet's email has unaccountably gone astray and Mullet has unaccountably been denied access to his ISP ever since sending it.
Meanwhile, senior sources at the BBC have disagreed that any ethnic or national group or sub-group (or even a weatherman) can legitimately be found in a woodpile today, since the mere mention of a "woodpile" could cause grievous offence to millions of environmentalists, to whom the term symbolises the profligate stockpiling of natural forestry resources, wanton depletion of rainforests, flagrant breach of the Kyoto emissions protocol and the looming spectre of global warming.
In related news, Bing Crosby is set to make a grovelling apology for his role in the hit "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas", and not on the grounds that the big freeze arrived two days late this year and lost punters up and down the country a lot of money. Accused of incitement to racial hatred, vilified by the media, his reputation in tatters, the singing legend is to be exhumed, perform a public penance, and to resign his position as ghost.
Log in to read/write comments on this article
How cool is this?
|
|
