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Blair threatens evictions in 'Respect' plan
In the latest Government measures designed to curb the perceived growth in cases of anti-social behaviour, Prime Monitor Tony Blair today revealed his £18 million 'Respect' agenda.
With the Home Secretary strangely absent, Grand Overlord Blair added to existing legislation which has already been used to control MP George Galloway and his 'Respect' Coalition. The controversial Anti-Socialist Behaviour Order, or ASBO, outlawed any expression of left wing viewpoints within the Labour movement (such as by backstabbing, conniving, go-back-to-Russia-if-you-like-it-so-much old codgers at party conferences), and was successfully applied to remove Gorgeous George from the Parliamentary Party in October 2003.
The new funding will tackle what Number One Son Blair referred to as "the ongoing problem of 'Respect' in this country" and will be designed to rid the streets of the problem behaviours of Mr Galloway for as long as possible. The £18 million of public money committed to the measures will be used to pay for the phone bills at Number 10 where an army of civil servants will be busy dialling the voting lines on Celebrity Big Brother in an attempt to evict all the other housemates before Galloway. "It may only mean we've seen the back of him for the next two weeks or so, but it's money well spent none the less!" stated a triumphant prime minister.
"Look, you know, I do feel very passionately about this," continued the increasingly robot-like yet strangely sweaty Mr Blair, "and I think it's about time we gave the public a break from the kind of dreadful attention seeking behaviours that bored and disturbed people like Mr Galloway just can't stop themselves from exhibiting.
"Just because he's never been shown any love and he's the only person at his Party is no excuse for showing such contempt for the fragile egos of my friends over in the Good Ol' US of A, and ripping their even more fragile arguments to shreds in front of their senate committees. Seeing him locked up with Michael Barrymore and Jodie Marsh in no way makes up for what he has done, but it should make us all feel a lot better."
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