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Fury as Sven-Goran Eriksson insults dead whale
There were further calls for Sven Goran-Eriksson to be dismissed today following fresh allegations made by the News of the World "newspaper". The tabloid succeeded in entrapping the hapless Swede for the second time in a week, on this occasion by way of an employee disguising himself as a professional journalist. The 'journalist' met Eriksson in a central London café on Saturday in order to coax him into divulging his controversial opinions on the tragic fate of the infamous Thames whale.
Asked if he was sharing in the nation's outpouring of grief, Eriksson's alleged reply has shocked and dismayed the public: "Yes well, although it is [sic] bit of a shame, to be honest I don't care about this whale. I mean what is one whale? In Sweden we get lots and lots of dead whales on our beaches, so one is not important, no." The troubled manager even supposedly went as far as to suggest that "many, many whales die in the ocean every day," and that the people of his adopted nation are being "silly" to devote so much attention to the tragedy.
Many of the mourners who headed to Tower Bridge on Sunday morning to throw flowers into the Thames appeared visibly upset and indeed enraged upon reading reports of the comments. DeadBrain contacted the Football Association, whose spokesman informed us that they will be contacting Eriksson "very soon" and that they took the matter of insulting the dead "very, very seriously." Opinion suggests that he will be given his marching orders by the FA's committee board, which is rumoured to already be seeking an English and animal-friendly successor to the Swede.
Even if the FA is still reluctant to sack Eriksson, the furore surrounding his comments may leave the body with little alternative. Even MPs are likely to enter the debate, with rumours rife that an emergency motion to order the dismissal and repatriation of the manager is being prepared by Labour backbenchers. It is unlikely that this will be debated on Monday however, as the Queen has requested the temporary closure of Parliament as a mark of respect for the late whale.
DeadBrain attempted to contact Eriksson but was informed that he "doesn't plan now to speak to anybody, except a small number of family, friends and mistresses, for the next 50 years."
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