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Hutton on incapacity: "No more excuses"
Work and Pensions Secretary John "not Lord" Hutton today unveiled half-baked plans to reform Incapacity Benefit, in a move designed to appease readers of the Daily Mail.
Under new proposals as many as one million scrounging layabouts could be killed, as the Government looks at ways to save money for future priorities that might crop-up in the media.
"Everyone knows most 'disabled' people are faking it," Hutton reasoned. "Whilst it has been a useful political tool to reduce official unemployment figures over the past 20 years we simply can't be arsed with it anymore."
Under the current system patients are considered unfit to work only after a thorough three-minute consultation by a demoralised GP not wishing to get his head kicked in.
The new guidelines involve a simple test – if you show any sort of response when administered with a mild electrical current, you're fit to work.
Tony Blair has described the new system as "fair enough", adding that not only will it solve Tesco's staffing shortage but it should also free up housing whilst simultaneously reducing the burden on the State Pension.
"By simply eliminating a million poverty-stricken citizens we are fulfilling our manifesto promise to narrow the gap between the poorest and the richest in our society," he explained.
The Shadow Work and Pensions Secretary, Philip Hammond, criticised the proposals for not being radical enough.
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Oi, down here!
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