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| You just walked into: Home > News | 20th March |
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 Foiled terror plot revealed in time for terror vote13 Feb 2006 by hra
UK anti-terror police thwarted a major series of attacks over the Christmas period, saving millions if not trillions of lives, according to a shock announcement set to be made today by one of the country's leading and most respected terrorism experts, Gordon Brown. The disclosure, certain to send a chilling signal to a public already stunned by the horrifyingly-authentic details of the US "Lobotomy Tower" terror plot last week, comes quite by co-incidence, nicely in time for this week's raft of key anti-terror votes.In stark testimony to the scale of the UK plot, dubbed "The Father of all Christmases", it has emerged that tens of thousands of Santa suspects were rounded up in a series of dramatic dawn swoops and taken to Paddington Green police station for questioning, together with an undisclosed number of reindeer, accused of providing logistic support. Disaster was in fact only averted at the very last minute on Christmas Eve, in an elaborate "sting" operation exposing the plotters' hitherto unknown capability to infiltrate every home in the country in a mass series of co-ordinated raids cynically aimed at planting suspect packages whilst whole families slept innocently in their beds. The arrests followed weeks of meticulous satellite and ANPR surveillance of the suspects' sledge journeys to and from their terror training camp in Lapland, and covert recording of their clandestine meetings in so-called terror "grottoes". Phone intercepts revealed a graphic tale of impressionable young people "glorifying" the suspects' activities and even "inciting" the planting of ever larger and more elaborate packages. Tons of additional evidence in the form of Santa suits, giant inflatable Santas, wrapping paper and half-eaten mince pies was seized for forensic examination. Intelligence sources are understood to have linked the plot to notorious terror mastermind Douglas Ramsbottom, who mysteriously vanished from his Bootle home last year whilst popping out to his local Tescos for a few tins of dog food (later revealed to have been Semtex). Several black-clad men with American accents were spotted nearby by local residents, as were several other plain-clothes individuals – not believed to be Americans - ostentatiously turning their backs. An unidentified private Learjet was seen to land and take off from a nearby airfield without anyone noticing. The series of intelligence breakthroughs began with the arrests of Ramsbottom's entire family and his dog – a known al-Fido member - then via an ever widening circle of contacts, his boss, his neighbours, his bookie, his mistress, his colonic irrigationist, and after several more weeks, half the cast of EastEnders, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Shergar and Uncle Tom Cobbley, before the final piece of the Christmastide intelligence puzzle fell into place. In swift reaction, the Government is tabling a new so-called "Santa" clause to the anti-terror bill, legalising extraordinary rendition on the grounds that resulting information "can be accurate", even when it comes from the CIA. The news also looks set to pave the way for the rapid introduction of ID cards, in the light of the new, insidious menace of large segments of the population all dressing up in identical disguise, calling themselves "Santa Claus" and saying "Ho ho ho" when anyone asks them for their papers. On the PR front, the Government is set to distribute a glossy new "Preparing for Emergences" leaflet (telling people what to do if they see a Santa suddenly popping out of their chimney one night), and perhaps even more predictably, the BBC has commissioned leading scriptwriter Winston Smith to concoct a suitable version of events for its next series of spy "dramas". Meanwhile, a few busloads of anti-terror experts have been duly packed off to Westminster to lecture the Law Lords and coteries of rebel Labour MPs on the error of their ways. DeadBrain reports that the general reaction today from the Westminster lobbies is "Business as usual". Related Articles Countries re-brand their image to land US 'torture-flights' 10 Dec 2005
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Pentagon forced to end secret biological weapons project4 Jun 2005
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