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Zimbabwe breaks all records for Guinness Book of Records entries
The Guinness Book of Records 2007 is to have Zimbabwe and its President, Robert Mugabe, listed in every category - that alone being a new record, which is likely to require a reprint shortly afterwards.
"A stunning achievement for such a small land," Lord Pint, the Guinness press secretary, said as he made the announcement. "Look anywhere in the book, you will find an entry. We can hardly keep up with the amount of records the place is setting."
Showing off the first draft of the 2007 edition, Lord Pint of Guinness pointed out some of the entries. "Look at this shit, man," he said excitedly to the large group of reporters, infiltrated with members of Mugabe's feared C.I.O. secret police, carefully camouflaged in Gucci suits and mirror sunglasses. "Most worthless currency, world's highest inflation, Mugabe voted into top three Dictators... stunning, see how he wiped out an entire commercial farming system in SIX years, now the place is a basket case instead of a bread basket. It goes on and on."
"We promise however, to have all claims verified before publishing. We have sent teams of record proofers to Zimbabwe, but they all disappeared down some mineshafts," he added. "There are still 'grey' areas that need to be checked by experts."
Asked what he meant, the head of Guinness PR explained: "Well, it is difficult to work out if they have the highest incidence of AIDS in percent of the population. The people die even as we count them. The statistics just don't seem to stand up. Then there is the debate over how many refugees crossing the Limpopo river into South Africa were actually eaten by crocodiles. How many people were struck by lightning or were actually fried stealing copper wire from transformers, therefore cheating the rules? Also, was Mugabe's 'Operation Clean Out Filth', which made three quarter of a million people homeless in two weeks, really that fast?"
Late newsReports that the record for the fastest disappearance of a test cricket side is to be challenged by a group of ex-England players have been denied by the ECB.
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