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Government plans to 'lock up' poultry if bird flu reaches UK
Seven ducks, two swans and a coot demonstrated outside Parliament yesterday, apparently upset at plans to lock them up in the event of bird flu being found in the UK. A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said that an investigation is being carried out to ascertain whether or not the birds broke anti-civil liberties laws which prevent anyone doing anything anywhere near Parliament.
Well renowned 'Twitcher' and ex-Goodie Bill Oddie said: "The birds went up and down the Thames near Parliament, following a line of stale bread I'd left, clearly outraged at plans to hold them at a number of British prisons including: Aylesbury, Drake Hall, Lancaster Farms and Swansea. I know, because the birds told me!"
"The UK doesn't yet need to lock up its poultry to help combat bird flu, but we have made plans in case bird flu is found in this country, including re-hiring Dick Dastardly to round up pigeons," said Animal Health Minister Ben Bradshaw. "So far bird flu has only reached France, a full 20 miles from here. Let's get a grip here, it took us humans thousands of years before we could fly the channel, and of course we're much more intelligent than birds!"
Some experts say the UK should copy the French and move all free-range poultry indoors, but British farmers' leaders object. Doug Ramsbottom of the National Farmers' Union said: "Such a move would be a massive over-reaction, and just as with the British Beef crisis, we'd prefer to wait until we're really in the shit before we do anything. Besides, a one-off dead bird isn't necessarily something to worry about, it's only when you come across several that's more serious. Now, get off my land!"
Meanwhile, 58 year old Greg Mullet of Bootle was charged with wasting police time, when it emerged that the fifty seven dead chickens he reported, leading to a full scale alert at DEFRA, were on the poultry counter at his local Asda.
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