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| You just spat on: Home > News | 25th July |
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 DeadBrain exclusive: Prince Charles's diary revealed21 Feb 2006 by Malcolm Drury
Even as a lawyer for Prince Charles is arguing in the High Court that, just like "the humblest private citizen", the princely personage is entitled to keep his personal documents confidential, DeadBrain, undeterred by the possibility of legal action from The Firm and ever the champion of freedom of the press, is proud to reveal further excerpts from the royal diaries.Charles is suing Associated Newspapers for breach of confidentiality and copyright after the Mail on Sunday published part of his private journal, in which, among other things, he described Chinese officials as "appalling old waxworks". He is said to regularly distribute around 100 copies of his journals to friends, relatives and contacts. It is one of these that DeadBrain has obtained, by means that it is not at liberty to divulge, but that categorically did not involve our reporter obtaining a job as a footman at Clarence House. On US President "Boy" George W. Bush's State Visit in 2003 Charles wrote: "What a nightmare! He kept pestering Mummy to try her crown on and he was forever hiding and calling for me to go find him. It wasn't hard - he didn't seem to realise that you can't properly hide behind things like hat stands. But whenever I got close to him he would run off giggling and shouting 'Can't catch me!' I was sorely tempted not to try and hope that he fell into a cellar somewhere and stayed there. I couldn't understand his dreadful American accent anyway. Why we ever let those awful people get their independence I will never understand." On Prime Minister Tony Blair, he wrote: "That bloody Blair was here again trying to ingratiate himself with Mummy, telling her she looks younger every time he sees her. I think he just says that so she keeps on going a bit longer, I know he doesn't like me. It should be my bloody crown by now! Cammers keeps nagging me to talk to Mummy about abdicating but every time I try to bring it up Pa tells me to bugger off. He really is a dreadful man. Blair that is. Well, Pa too." On Poundbury, Charles's model village built entirely of LegoŽ; the prince wrote: "It looks like we will have to install some of those ghastly television cameras to keep an eye on the oicks who are running amok and ruining the tone of the place, wearing their hats backwards and throwing their crisp packets in the pond and listening to their pop music in the streets. I can't bear that Jagger person, I really can't. Perhaps I should install stocks instead of cameras. Political correctness be buggered, it's time to get back once and for all to traditional values and teach these bloody peasants who's boss. Whose village is it anyway?" The diary entries are liberally illustrated with sketches. One recurring theme is a caricature of BBC reporter Nicholas Witchell, whom Prince Charles has described as "awful", being dispatched in various ways - hanging, beheading, being stabbed with a large dagger, and one sketch that appears to show him being boiled in oil. The latter bears the inscription "oh for the good old days!". Editor's NoteGregory T. Mullet, DeadBrain's Editor-in-Chief, wishes to state categorically that while journalistic integrity is paramount to him and he would never yield to pressure or compromise DeadBrain's independence, he would nevertheless be open to an OBE or something along those lines and would be willing to retract any story concerning a member of the Royal Family if it were shown to be factually weak.Related Articles Prince Philip arrested outside Daily Mirror offices 15 Feb 2006
Charles to be known as 'King Spike'24 Dec 2005
Rolf Harris beheaded20 Dec 2005
Prince Just William to tackle plight of homeless13 Sep 2005
Queen orders cost-cutting measures for royal garden parties23 Jun 2005
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