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Storm of public outrage as cost of air soars again
In the wake of utility giant Centricair's shock announcement of a 26% rise in air prices, DeadBrain today publishes the results of its survey to find out how the beleaguered public is reacting to "the blackest day yet" in over two years of spiralling utility bills. The price hike, coming only weeks after the controversial introduction of air charging and only days after Centricair's £5bn profit announcement, has been roundly condemned by charities Help the Aged and Help the Not Aged But Still Furious.
The survey was carried by taxi-driver Greg Mullet on the passengers in his London cab this morning, primed with a strategically-placed newspaper headlined "Centricair Fat Cats Slammed in Latest Consumer Rip-off".
Old Kent Road, 9:00 a.m."Young man, I can remember when air was free. You could breathe as much of it as you liked and not pay a penny. Or was it included in our tax at one stage? No, that was water, wasn't it. Or was it congestion charging? ... Oh, I forget. Anyway, where was I. Twenty-six percent eh? Can't afford it, mind, but what can you do. It's the world we live in. Look at the way gas and water have gone up. We've just got to stop moaning and face up to the fact that things are a lot more expensive these days. You don't get something for nothing, that's what they say. Anyway, what if it all runs out - what else would they use to power all those wind turbines?"
Vine Street, 9.45 a.m."It's a damned disgrace, that's what it is. A disgrace. Sometimes it strikes me the only thing which never seems to go up is inflation. Madness. Mind you though, I was watching a documentary last night about the anti-terror monitoring these days. They had a 3D diagram of a cubic metre of air, showing how much wireless communication it contained compared with a cubic metre of air in 1997, and a graph showing how the cost of monitoring had soared since then. Fascinating. Frightening though, once you think about it. We've got to protect ourselves after all, whether we like it or not. I wouldn't argue with paying a little extra to keep my family safe, would you?"
Leicester Square, 10:30 a.m."My dear, it's the absolute limit, after all these other dreadful utility bills and contraption charging and my extortionate Council Tax and Botox costs an absolute fortune these days, but if you think about it, it's all for our own good, isn't it. I mean, I heard this woman on the radio only this morning, all about global warming it was. Awful, absolutely terrible. She said, all the ice sheets in Greenland are going to melt by 2008, did you know that? Isn't it a shame, all those poor penguins. It's all due to climate change and greenhouse gases and those wretched 4x4s apparently. Well it's bound to have an effect, isn't it. I suppose we've just got to grin and bear it".
Park Lane, 11:15 a.m."Big deal. So a few newspapers and do-gooders squeal – what're they going to do about it? We're already planning next month's price 'change' anyway. And there'll be mandatory breath metering and a ban on 'wasteful' usage. Tyre pumps, fans, that sort of thing. We're blaming it on 'spiralling infrastructure costs, wholesale prices and dependence on Eastern European imports'. [Interviewer's note: Subject believed referring to luxury yachts, Fortnum & Mason's hampers, and Beluga caviar respectively.] I suppose we could be a little more inventive and blame it on bird flu, or the drought, or the rain, or the BBC, or even do a Tony Blair and plead divine inspiration ... "
"But why bother."
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Oi, down here!
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