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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Ann Widdecombe |
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| You are puzzled to find: Home > News | 19th March |
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Brown to align nation's finances with party finances23 Mar 2006 by Si Bowen
Chancellor Gordon Brown today announced radical plans to bring the nation's finances in line with party finances.Income Tax, National Insurance and VAT levels will remain the same but instead of having to PAY the government, the amount owed can now simply be loaned, using an IOU note or other approved loan mechanism. Mr Brown hailed the new measures as 'revolutionary' saying that UK taxpayers will be the most liberated in the modern world. He also revealed a raft of incentives to encourage ordinary citizens to set-up dodgy Offshore Investment Accounts. "For too long fiscal skulduggery has been the preserve of the super-rich in this country," Mr Brown paraded. "From this day forth every UK citizen will be enabled to dodge taxes, secretly fund illegal activities or claim ill-gotten rewards via financial impropriety." In line with recent policy Tory Shadow Chancellor, George Osborne, accepted the need for reform but berated Mr Brown for not being bold enough. "As caring, sharing, woolly-jumper wearing eco-warrior Conservatives we'd have done this policy too, only better," he claimed. Tax industry expert Sebastian Tarquin from Price Waterhouse Coopers, cast doubt on the Chancellor's plans, though, when he described the move as 'mental'. "The point of secret loans and offshore tax havens is that it is only for the elite few," he piped. "If every pleb on the street does it then there will be chaos." "What's the point of being super-rich if you can't get one over the oiks every now and again?" he slurred, off-the-record in the pub three hours later.
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