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BREAKING NEWS: Blair is first arrest as Britain's new 'FBI' is launched
The Serious Organised Crime Agency (SOCA) made its first arrest this morning, after identifying Prime Minister Tony Blair as the 'Mr Big' responsible for running an alleged 'cash for honours' racket.
SOCA, dubbed Britain's FBI, brings together more than 4,000 police and customs and immigration experts with a remit to target organised crime such as money laundering, ID fraud and corruption.
Home Secretary Charles Clarke said: "This is £400 million well spent. SOCA offers us the chance of an initiative to ignore the 'Mr Smalls' and all of the graffiti, thugs, yobs, vandals, anti-social behaviour, burglaries, druggies, drunks etc. that affect people's everyday lives. Our surveys show that people are fed up with hearing of all these little stories on the news and would much prefer big stories involving real baddies!"
SOCA, one of whose responsibilities will be to harass individuals who try to demonstrate outside Parliament, has already interviewed a number of people suspected of receiving 'honours for cash', including: Sir Hugo Drax, Lord Francisco Scaramanga, Lord Goldfinger, Lord Sir Lady Marchioness Bush, and Ernst Stavro Blofeld MBE. A number of British companies are also thought to be under investigation, including SMERSH Political Lobbying Ltd and SPECTRE Double Glazing.
DC Dibble Mullet of SOCA said: "We've had our eye on 'Mr B' ever since SOCA was formed on Saturday, and decided to make our move this morning. We have so far collected 55 bags of cash, two bags of 'gongs' and a number of registered envelopes bearing names and addresses from all around the UK. Underneath 10 Downing Street we also found a huge underground cave with: a submarine, a Space Shuttle, a 50 Giga-Watt laser, and several AA maps of Iran."
On hearing news of Mr Blair's arrest, Conservative leader David Cameron said: "Crikey, is there a back door out of here?"
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Look at this, moron.
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