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Government criticised as Charles Clarke released without deportation
26 Apr 2006
The Home Office is today under fire after it was revealed that Charles Clarke was released into the community without any attempt being made to deport him. Bumbling Clarke, the architect of various freedom-destroying pieces of legislation and a known associate of Hazel Blears, is currently roaming free and at risk of re-offending.
Shadow Home Secretary David Davis said that Clarke was not the first to be released. "I have figures showing that several dangerous former ministers have been released in the last few years," he told DeadBrain. "One, Peter Mandelson, has gone into hiding in Europe; another, David Blunkett, has been bothering women; and Stephen Byers has not been seen for some time."
"These people need to be tracked down and deported, preferably to Iraq," he added.
Speaking from a newsagents in Hammersmith, Lib Dem leader Sir Menzies Campbell said that he also had figures showing that thing were "very bad", but later retracted them after admitting that they had been made up.
The Prime Minister has defended the Home Office, saying that if it wasn't for his government people would not know how many deranged former ministers were trotting around the countryside or writing columns for tabloid newspapers.
However, conscious of the potential impact on next week's local elections of a sighting of Charles Clarke in public, DeadBrain has learned that Tony Blair has dispatched hunting squads to track down rogue ministers and ex-ministers. Led by the notoriously fierce Hazel Blears, whose ghostly white face and ginger hair were barely visible underneath her balaclava, crack teams of ministers and civil servants are searching the country, armed with tasers and anti-terrorism legislation.
Sounds of screaming and crockery breaking in the Prescott residence indicated that the Deputy PM is currently indisposed and unable to help.
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Oi, down here!
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