'Cash-for-sudoku-gate' crisis worsens
13 Jul 2006 by Terence William Howard
The 'cash-for-sudoku-gate' saga took an unexpected turn yesterday when officers from the Metropolitan Police's Specialist Crime Directorate travelled to Israel in an attempt to bring Labour's allegedly wayward chief fundraiser Lord Levy to justice.Lord Levy, who cannot have his first name disclosed for legal reasons, is thought to have visited a Hezbollah agent in the south of Israel three days ago where "sudoku was played with money changing hands", according to a source close to the brother of some guy who works alongside this bloke who might have seen something.
Although no formal charges have been brought against Levy, it is widely known in and around the local authority funded Hezbollah training camps of north London that the Labour moneyman is probably although not definitely guilty of something.
In a hastily arranged press conference this morning, The Mayor of London and European sudoku champion Ken Livingstone shared his views on the situation. "Sudoku should be free for all, and whilst I'm on the subject, the tyrannical George Bush and Edward Woodward should not be allowed to bomb the underpants off of unsuspecting Lebanese market traders who are free citizens of this planet. I call on all Londoners to embrace your Middle Eastern cousins and to rise up against the evils of the United States, Israel, Capitalism and all things that make you feel bad." Mayor Livingstone was assaulted shortly after his speech.
One man who hasn't escaped police attention in this ongoing probe is Prime Minister Tony Blair. It has been widely reported that a police officer has been seen on the steps of 10 Downing Street apparently waiting for somebody to open the door or to at least acknowledge his presence. The police officer, thought definitely to be a copper, has so far refused to answer any of the questions raised by the assembled journalists in Downing Street. "He's just standing there," stated an American reporter.
In an interview with GMTV this morning, Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown lent his support to the beleaguered Prime Minister. "Seeing Tony arrested would be terrible, just terrible, I am more than sure that Tony has nothing to hide, if he was to hide something you would probably find that information on his laptop in the folder marked 'holiday pics' and also hard copies in the secret compartment within his sock draw, does anybody know the number to Crimestoppers?"
John Prescott does not know who Lord Levy is and was therefore unable to comment.
