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25th July
Backing Boris for comedy value

'Hug a Hezbollah' campaign fails to get off the ground

David Cameron's dramatic attempt to intervene amid growing hostilities between Israel and Lebanon has got off to a poor start after a Hezbollah spokesman said he would personally shoot the Conservative leader if he came within spitting distance of him.

Following Middle East Envoy Lord Levy's inability to travel to the region, Mr Cameron had offered to solo parachute into the Israel-Lebanon border area, accompanied only by 50 photographers and cameramen, in the hope that he might be able to 'solve the Middle East'.

"I think what both sides in this crisis really need is more love," a newly-long-haired Mr Cameron told reporters from his squat in Notting Hill, with the Beatles' 'All You Need Is Love' playing in the background. "They're not trying to be nasty, they just want to blend in."

"I will personally hug the leaders of both sides if it helps stop the violence," he added, swaying from side to side. "Love not war, man."

Mr Cameron's offer was rejected by both sides, with both threatening violence if he tried to put his arms round any of their men – the first time they have agreed on anything in some time.
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