John Prescott 'is melting'
19 Jul 2006 by D Billingham
As Britain basks in record-breaking temperatures, Westminster was plunged into chaos today with the news that Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott is beginning to melt under the ferocious sun. Fire fighters are attending the scene with trucks of ice, which it is hoped will cool Mr Prescott enough that he can be remoulded. All leave for ice-cream van drivers across the capital has been cancelled.The tragic events unfolded while Mr Prescott was playing croquet in Parliament Square during the fierce heat of the afternoon. Aides were adamant that the controversial politician had taken precautions to account for the heat, apparently by going topless and sporting just swimming shorts. Such was the extremity of the weather that these did not suffice however; temperatures in central London reached 64.2 degrees Celsius at 2pm. This is roughly the same temperature as that at the Earth's core, and beats the previous July record of 63.7 degrees Celsius, recorded outside 10 Downing Street last Tuesday shortly after the arrest of Lord Levy was announced.
If doctors, already overloaded with cases of melting, are unable to reform Prescott before Tony Blair commences his annual holiday, the Prime Minister will face the dilemma of having to make another appointment to run the nation in his absence. A Westminster insider told DeadBrain that some of the alternative candidates are even more incompetent than Prescott himself.
Environmentalists and Thames Water executives performing a rain dance in Hyde Park told reporters that cases of politicians melting in the summer sun will inevitably rise as the effects of global warming make themselves increasingly apparent. One of the participants, Dave Cameron from Notting Hill, told DeadBrain that the world faces "disease ridden pollution, devastation to farming, gigantic famine, and continued public sector inefficiency" unless the current government is voted out of office.
