Conflict eases: IDF issues safety advice to Lebanon civilians
7 Aug 2006 by The Arden
Tensions were eased considerably in the Middle East today as the IDF attempted to atone for the previous four weeks of bombing raids by issuing general safety advice to the good citizens of south Lebanon via leaflets dropped from a giant flower-shaped balloon."We'd like to kick start the peace 'n' love process by advising everyone to be home at a sensible hour, say 10pm," army chief Lenny Brute said. "60% of all robberies are committed after dark when all the weirdos come out, and there is a real danger of being verbally abused on buses in the evening."
The leaflets contained other useful advice, including:
- Mind the gap when exiting the train
- On no account operate heavy machinery after taking cough medicine
- Don't run with scissors facing inwards
- Swim between the flags
- Don't travel south of the river
- Don't run with scissors at all, actually
Hezbollah have not, as yet, responded with reciprocal draft safety proposals.
Late news
World President George W Bush was today forced to rethink the Israel/Hezbollah ceasefire situation when reminded by his Christian advisors/masters that the 1000 plus actual humans killed so far equates to 103.3 billion potential stem cells, which - with twins included - equates to 154.3 billion actual people."I'm astonished," former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel "Bombing" Sharon said from his coma, "I had no idea he could think, one of the main prerequisites in having a rethink."
