Madonna to "rise from the dead" in new show
15 Aug 2006 by Adam Tan
The controversial pop singer Madonna will "rise from the dead" on her next tour, a source close to her has revealed. The source told DeadBrain that Madonna seeks to "capitalize on the momentum" of her current show, in which she wears a crown of thorns and is raised on a metallic cross. In an almost unprecedented show of unity, Christian, Muslim and Jewish religious leaders have condemned this element of her performance.Details of Madonna's resurrection have yet to be worked out, and the source admits that Madonna "is of two minds" about the idea. "On the one hand, she's quite sure that if her life were in fact to cease, God would want to work the requisite miracle. On the other, God's a rather busy chap and there's always the risk that the task might just slip His mind."
Some of Madonna's advisers are urging her to "skip the actual death part", according to the source. "We're considering a variety of options, including getting her smashed on vodka and tonics and lifting her up with a crane," the source said.
Critics are sceptical that a simulated resurrection would achieve commercial success. "Unless there's an actual cessation of brain activity, I'm not sure people are going to be too interested in this," said a columnist with the Hollywood newspaper Variety. "And, let's face it, if she were to flatline and not pop back up, it would be a real buzzkill."
Religious leaders are already expressing concern. "If she were to die, our preference would be that she just stay dead," said Cardinal Douglas Ramsbottom, the Vatican's Special Advisor on Excruciatingly Self-Indulgent Performances. "If she's really able to pull this off it would raise a lot of uncomfortable questions."
