Iran to continue cake enrichment program
23 Aug 2006 by jeffmonkey
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that Iran will continue its controversial cake enrichment program. In a defiant speech to the Iranian parliament, President Ahmadinejad spoke of Iran's rights to enrich its own cake and confectionary without outside interference or supervision from other cake producing states. Earlier today, inspectors from the United Nations and the Women's Institute were denied entry to the infamous 'Al-Victoria Sponge' cake processing facility at Bushehr, prompting fears that the plant has begun work on the so called 'Mother-of-all-cakes'. American President/Crackpot/Puppet George 'W' 'Cheeseburger' Bush released his own statement shortly after. "A continuing cake enrichment program in Iran presents a serious threat to world security. America will not stand by while Iran holds the world to ransom with the threat of super-rich fondant fancies and 'Kipling style' almond slices."
Soon-to-be-ex Prime Minister Tony 'Holiday' Blair, in response to President Ahmadinejad's speech, raised Britain's security level from 'Blind Panic' to 'Screaming Anarchy' from his cake-proof bunker/holiday home in Barbados.
The UN security council is due to meet tomorrow to discuss Resolution 999, 'Panic, Death, Terror', preventing the sale and export of eggs, flour, sugar and other 'cake making produce and equipment' to the Iranians. We spoke to Professor Gregory T Mullet from the Institute of Confectionary and Cakery in London who told us, "Resolution 999 is a futile attempt to shut the stable door after the proverbial horse has bolted. Iran has been enriching confectionary in secret factories disguised as nuclear weapon plants for over eighteen years."
Professor Mullet also speculated that Iran has probably stockpiled enough enriched cake to feed the world three times over. Bob Geldof is understood to be considering an urgent visit to Tehran.
The current crisis comes after recent revelations from former Cabinet Minister Lord Douglas 'Shagger' Ramsbottom concerning the sale of baked but 'un-iced' cakes to Iran between 1998 and 2001.
