"I romped with Ahmadinejad in my pad" claims curvy brunette
24 Aug 2006 by D Billingham
A vaguely ATTRACTIVE and feisty ESSEX GIRL enjoyed a marathon SEX session with BAD-BOY Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, after which he unwound by devouring CRUMPETS with STRAWBERY jam whilst watching BBC NEWS 24; DeadBrain has learned. 31 Year-old Nicki T. spilled all to DeadBrain about how she met the HANDSOME Middle Eastern figurehead in a Chingford bar before he charmed her into bed. Nicki, a former glamour model whose career took a spectacular NOSE-DIVE as age WITHERED away her looks, was drinking with pals in Yates' wine lodge in Chingford when she noticed a mature olive-skinned male glancing in her direction. "You could say our eye-atollahs were transfixed on each other," was how she embarrassingly described the initial encounter.
"He was such a charmer that after twenty minutes chatting I was raring for a night of passion," claimed Nicki; an affect which eyewitnesses claim was just as likely to have been caused by her extraordinary rate of alcohol consumption and years of sexual deviance. Nicki would not reveal any saucy details of the romp itself to DeadBrain however, nor tell if any secrets about Iran's nuclear weapons programme had been passed on. "I don't think people should doubt his capabilities: he's definitely started to enrich my love life," she did venture to suggest, although this sentence sounded rather forced on delivery.
As DeadBrain went to press, President Ahmadinejad delivered a furious rebuttal: "The whole world can see that this so-called website has dragged its' waist further into the mud in a desperate attempt to maintain its' shambolic façade. Not an intelligent soul exists which grants any credibility to this blatant front for Zionist crusaders which, god willing, will be blasted out of its URL and off the radar of Google," he said. Mr Ahmadinejad then went on to accuse DeadBrain's editor-in-chief, Gregory T Mullet, of personally masterminding both the 9/11 atrocity and the holocaust (charges he vehemently denies) before declaring, "For pity's sake, I don't even know what a crumpet is!"
