Rap music "responsible for the deaths of thousands"
25 Aug 2006 by Lee
On top of reports that rap music is responsible for teenage pregnancies and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, it has emerged that rap music is also responsible for the spread of the MRSA virus.A leaked government report has revealed that, contrary to the popular belief that the virus is spread by poor standards of cleanliness in hospitals and other public places, it is really caused by the "dirty" words used in rap music. It is believed that the sound of such words cling to the clothes of people that listen to the music, thus contaminating anything they come into contact with.
The Department of Health commissioned the Country and Western Music Appreciation Society's medical department to conduct the study. It claims that it is no coincidence that reported cases of MRSA have increased in line with the increase in the popularity of rap music over the years.
The report cites the lyrics of "hardcore gangster rappers" including MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice and the artist currently known as Puff The Magic Daddy.
Chairman of the Country and Western Music Appreciation Society, Douglas "Billy-Bob" Ramsbottom, said: "We can't quite understand what them there rappers are saying, but we know that it's bad and it's dirtying up them hospitals."
The study suggests that the only way of stopping the MRSA virus is a blanket ban on rap music and the wearing of baggy trousers, accompanied by a daily dose of country music for all.
Professor Ramsbottom added: "A little bit of Kenny Rogers followed by some Dolly Parton should do the trick."
A Department of Health spokesman declined to comment on the matter, but asked for some spare change to contribute towards Labour Party funds.
