Parliamentary League 2006-7: Transfer news and pre-season previews
2 Sep 2006 by Chris Ditum and our sports staff
The new season transfer deadline has now passed and DeadBrain can reveal some of the sensational last-minute deals undertaken, mostly at the last minute.Liberal Democrat Apathetic
Scoop of the day belongs to Lib-Dem Apathetic, for their signing of two stars from overseas who made a great impression doing something great somewhere else, despite serious interest from several other political parties and a television pundit.A junior Home Office minister has also moved to the yellows for an undisclosed fee, despite initially passing a medical.
LDA were in a perilous financial state when their sponsorship by a Scottish whiskey supplier was suddenly cancelled last season, but they are now rumoured to be more secure with backing by Russian financial muscle. They hope to be serious contenders in this season's Premiership competition, with designs on a top six finish despite concerns that their captain, "Mad" Menzies Campbell, is too old.
Labour Rovers
Labour's pre-season has again been dominated by turmoil off the field, with persistent rumours of discontent with their manager's style. Scottish midfielder Gordon Brown is known to want to move into management, but Tony Blair wants to hang on until he has secured another, more lucrative job. Australian board member Rupert Murdoch is also thought to be exploring other possibilities, including a complete withdrawal from the club if Brown takes over.On the transfer front, despite Blair offering Conservative United £500,000 plus Gordon Brown and a peerage, David Cameron has not been tempted to transfer to Labour Rovers. He insisted as he got off his bike at a windmill in Gloucestershire that he is content and wants to remain in a party with serious Parliamentary League credentials.
Labour were also dismayed that the German Chancellor, Ms Merkel, refused to allow her top Minister, Herr Von Ramsbottom, permission to talk to the Red Dummies. Rovers viewed Von Ramsbottom as an ideal replacement for their holding midfield lobbyist, who was sacked at the end of last season.
Both of Labour's first-choice strikers, John Reid and John Prescott, will miss the first few games of the season due to suspensions for violent conduct.
Conservative United
United have made several new signings from the Ladies Academy, in an effort to balance the squad in the upcoming challenge for the Government Cup. The blues are hoping that the Changing Rooms of Power will become 'more interesting places' to hang around, particularly if Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen transfers from the Monster Raving Loonies.Support has grown for the Tories in recent months and they are expecting big attendances this year, despite making no new signings. As with last season, their squad will consist mainly of players who have come up through the youth academy, including the much talked about David Cameron.
The Conservatives' legendary goalkeeper, Ann Widdecombe, is out with a thigh injury.
