Sales sluggish for Blair farewell tour
7 Sep 2006 by D Billingham
Tony Blair faces the prospect of performing his recently announced farewell tour to half-empty stadiums, if initial sales figures are anything to go by. Aides of the Prime Minister had expected demand to far exceed supply for the prospect of seeing the entertainer belt out classics such as "Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime", "I've got no reverse gear!" and "Education, education, education" for a final time, yet since tickets were made available over the internet on Tuesday there have been embarrassingly few takers.The prospects for the planned Millennium Stadium gig in Cardiff are looking particular dire, with organisers admitting just eight tickets have been sold since Tuesday for a stadium with a 75,000 capacity. This contrasts poorly to a recent Christina Aguilera concert and an Iain Duncan Smith book signing session, both of which sold out the stadium within hours of tickets being released.
Blair fan groups blamed fans' reluctance to purchase tickets on the unclear scheduling of this event. The official stadium website states that the gig will take place sometime between January 2007 and October 2013, advising customers to return to the site later for further information. The Sun claimed yesterday that the gig will take place on March 22nd 2007 at 7:45pm. It was also reported however that a group of 29 Brownite MPs are set to release a letter, demanding the event is brought forward a quarter of an hour. At the same time, an unspecified number of Brown-Blair double agents, forming a 'fifth column' within the Chancellor's camp, are demanding a one hour delay, until 8:45pm, so that they can "watch EastEnders" before the event commences. DeadBrain's top-secret Westminster insider 'GB' meanwhile claimed that the gig will in fact take place no later than next Tuesday "if I can bloody well help it!"
In a further blow to the eagerly anticipated tour, support act 'John Prescott and the Nutcrackers' may have to pull out after their lead singer broke his leg attempting to hurdle a sheep in Cambridgeshire. There are also concerns that the Baghdad gig may have to be cancelled, according to Tony Blair's website due to "technical difficulties".
