Pundits' relief at Blair cliché overload
26 Sep 2006 by Georgie P
Pundits at the Labour party conference expressed relief today that no cliché was left unsaid, trite expression overworked or predictable gaffe untested as Tony Blair faced down loyal back-stabbing supporters of the Labour Party.Following Mr Blair's conference speech today, the Blair tribute-o-meter registered "Hard act to follow" as the leading reaction soundbite, followed by "Towering figure" and "Great legacy".
"Good riddance" was reportedly muttered by one delegate but the only person to overhear was a Bloomberg journalist.
And there was hysterical excitement yesterday when Cherie Blair not saying something was reported on every media outlet in the world.
"We were worried we were going to have piles of cliché and scandal-mongering fabrications unused," said one greasy hack, knocking back another gin. "But I reckon we're going to have to pull out all the stops.
"Tony Blair's conference speech was the best. We've had blokey jokes, false bonhomie and caring looks. All we're going to have to do is stick in how long he got a standing ovation for, bash out a couple of career obituaries, analyse his body language and we're home and dry. Copy sorted."
Earlier today, former Prince of Darkness – known to humans as Peter Mandelson – hypnotised hapless Today listeners with a series of soothing soundbites, including "storm in an egg cup".
"We always expected Gordon Brown to be ponderous and for Peter Mandelson to get bitchy," said Paul Pontificater, political pundit to Political Pundits TV (satellite channel 243).
"But as for Cherie – we usually give her until day three to make some embarrassing gaffe and the media to get the boot in. We're going to miss her. I can't think of anyone so entertaining since...well, Norman Tebbit. It's the end of an era."
