Two drown in flood of tears at Blair farewell speech
26 Sep 2006
Two Labour Party conference delegates drowned today in a tidal wave of tears that swept through the hall at the end of Tony Blair's farewell speech. Mr Blair began by thanking himself, his family, his agent, his publicist, Peter Mandelson, his late pet budgie, his milkman, Russell Crowe and the cast of The Lion King for helping him become leader.As sniffles spread through the audience, Mr Blair acknowledged that this would be his last speech to conference as leader. He went on to recount some of his achievements in government, such as world peace and England's historic second World Cup victory. It was then that delegates realised what a truly great Prime Minister he had been, and many began sobbing openly.
Amid some wails of "please don't go" and a chant of "We love you Tony", which is believed to have been started by Peter Mandelson, Mr Blair continued through to the climax of his speech. "I'm a progressive, I'm a true believer, I'm a saint and yes, I'm a sinner, but my heart has always been in it," he said. "I love this party, I love you all."
Some delegates cheered at the sentiment, but eyewitnesses told DeadBrain that many only cried further. Several collapsed in a state of despair, but Mr Blair ploughed on to his musical finale, a specially adapted version of Whitney Housten's 'I Will Always Love You'.
The end of Mr Blair's speech was the most emotional for his audience. "Whatever you do, I'm always with you," he said, a lump in his throat. "In the years to come, wherever I am, whatever I do, I'm with you." Even the few delegates that had held back so far could contain themselves no longer at this, and cried, wailed and bawled along with the rest of the audience, sending cascades of tears towards Mr Blair.
As the flood reached the platform, Mr Blair clung to the podium. "It's hard to let go," he said, before being rescued by members of his police protection detail in a dinghy. Fortunate members of the Cabinet were able to use John Prescott as a buoyancy aid, but delegates in the front row were not so lucky and two are reported to have drowned.
A further eight delegates are meanwhile being treated in hospital for self-inflicted injuries including drugs overdoses and an attempted hanging. One distraught Blair loyalist was heard to scream "I can't go on without you as PM, Tony" before throwing herself off a balcony. A spokesman for Greater Manchester Ambulance Service said her injuries would have been more serious had she not landed on Charles Clarke.
