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11th February
Updated from time to time

Lord Stevens: Prince Philip "had no involvement" with football bribes

Lord Stevens has cleared the Duke of Edinburgh of any involvement in football corruption. The former policeman's inquiry found no evidence that Prince Philip or the security services had paid bribes to managers, but he could not account for the presence of a white Fiat Uno outside Old Trafford.

However, Fulham chairman Mohammed Al Fayed branded the inquiry's findings a "whitewash". "Lord Stevens has been got at by the establishment and I will not rest until I find out the truth," he said. "A conspiracy between Prince Philip, the security services and the paparazzi are the only logical explanation for whatever it is this inquiry was supposed to investigate."

Sir Alex Fergusson refused to talk to DeadBrain on the grounds that one of its reporters once accidentally stood on his son's foot.

A further 17 members of the royal family are now to be investigated in the hope of finding out whether Paul Gascoigne was drunk in 1997. Lord Stevens has already ruled out the possibility that he was pregnant following the examination of a pool of vomit Mr Gascoigne left in the back of a taxi.
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