Why oh why oh why: another story about the New Year hits an indifferent public
3 Jan 2007 by Georgie P
Britain's roads were full yesterday as "everyone" rushed back to work after the Christmas break.Newsrooms across the country were filled with journalists desperate to fill newspapers with stories about people heading back to work after fighting with their families and spending too much money.
Despite the fact that workplaces from John O'Groats to Brentwood were empty as people sensibly took another day or two of holiday, editors were frantically calling for post-festive articles about the boredom, existential anguish and lack of cash that is the rest of January.
"I've had to produce three columns about what a relief it is to deal with colleagues instead of your mother-in-law, two about shopping in the sales and one about my fears of incipient bankruptcy due to spending such enormous sums on my spoiled children over Christmas," said Fennella Fruitingham, who churns out 1,000 words in her sleep for the Daily Mail.
"Obviously, people who work in factories and shops and places in the north may well be taking another day off but they hardly count, do they? All the people I know are nose to the grindstone today and considering most of them work in converted lofts in their Notting Hill penthouses, they've had to drive back from their second homes in the Devon. It's really tough on them."
Until the real news starts, Britons can expect the media to be obsessed with stories about personal insolvency, diet tips and advice on family breakdown.
"Real news won't start again until the PRs stop gossiping about their Christmas parties and start pumping out press releases," says Ray Greensleeves, media expert.
"What do you mean, the Saddam execution? If they'd asked me, I'd have told them to do it in a week or so. No-one's reading the papers right now. They're all on holiday."
