Shetty named Nato Afghanistan commander
7 Feb 2007 by Adam Tan
In a dramatic bid to shore up flagging public support for its foundering military mission in Afghanistan, Nato yesterday named Shilpa Shetty as the new commander of its forces there. The Bollywood star and Big Brother winner admitted that her military experience is limited to a "short but intense relationship" with an Indian army colonel when she was 20. However, Shetty resolved to bring a "fresh look to the problems of Afghanistan, by applying the lessons of Big Brother to the real world."Shetty inherits a rapidly eroding military situation, with fundamentalist Taliban militias gaining strength throughout the southern and eastern regions of the vast, mountainous country. In what many analysts view as a renewed sign of political strength, the Taliban's reclusive leader Mullah Omar recently announced that on regaining power the Taliban would "eternally ban electricity, the wheel, and women".
Nato's decision has received a lukewarm reception. A senior British army officer observed that "placing a celebrity in charge of an immensely complex political-military conflict has some obvious advantages. However, I would have preferred a chap like Mel Gibson, who would get about slaughtering Muslim tribesmen with some real vigour."
Others have been even less supportive. Pakistani Prime Minister Pervez Musharraf denounced the move as "an insult and a betrayal". "I can think of at least 50 Pakistani actresses who would be more suitable for this position," Musharraf fumed in a press conference today. "Pakistan now finds itself completely encircled by trashy Indian cinema," Musharraf continued, declaring the situation "intolerable". As Musharraf spoke, heavy mortar fire was reportedly exchanged along the tense border with Indian-controlled Kashmir.
Shetty's inexperience showed in her first official act, as she directed the immediate imprisonment of "all dental nurses within a 50-kilometre radius of Kabul". She withdrew the order after aides hastily explained that the regulation of dental nurses was the Afghan government's responsibility. Shetty issued an apology, but warned that she would not be patient with "this manifest security menace".
