Australia to invade US if Obama elected
13 Feb 2007 by Adam Tan
Australia's conservative prime minister today vowed to launch an amphibious assault against the United States if Democrat Barack Obama wins the American presidency in 2008. "We will not simply stand by if America falls into the hands of a terror-loving and exceedingly non-white leftist," John Howard said in an interview with DeadBrain's southern hemisphere correspondent."Do you realize that the difference between Osama and Obama is just one letter?" Howard thundered during the interview. "If this man is elected, the terrorists will be just one consonant away from world domination!" Howard roared, spattering your correspondent with flecks of foam.
The Bush administration's reaction to the Australian threat of war has been restrained. "We acknowledge Australia's right to defend itself and the free world against a dangerous, liberal, latte-sipping Taliban-coddler," said Bush press secretary Tony Snow. "However, the President sees no need to comment further on a possible invasion since the Republicans still have a barely discernible chance of retaining the White House."
Military experts doubt Howard's ability to carry out his plan. "Australia's armed forces are already overextended," observed Colonel Gregory T. Mullet, professor of quagmire planning at the United States Army War College. "They have forces in East Timor and Iraq, as well as six divisions stationed along the Australian coast to sink immigrant-bearing vessels." Mullet noted, "Howard's available invasion force amounts to 50 hung-over blokes from a Brisbane pub and a brigade of assorted marsupials."
Indeed, the inclusion of marsupials in the controversial plan has sparked a nationwide outcry. "We will not attack our long-standing American allies," said Emma the Kangaroo, president of the Australian Marsupial Association. "Our participation in this misguided adventure is inconceivable."
A source close to Howard dismissed the criticism, noting that the government was planning to form a "coalition of the wombats" to participate in the attack. "The wombat community has long been extremely supportive of the global war on terror, and we expect that if called to service they will stand up - as it were," the source said.
