Prescott finally fired for not screwing up
1 Mar 2007 by Ben Bostrom
Deputy Prime Minstrel John Prescott has today been fired by his "superior", Tony Blair. In the biggest blunder of his career, his many cock-ups have been out of the spotlight for the longest time since Labour rose to power in 1997, thus allowing the media to report actual news stories and scandalous security failures elsewhere.Hardest hit has been long-suffering Home Secretary Dr John Reid. Blunder after blunder has been revealed and given space on front pages while the Deputy "Leader" has remained uncharacteristically aloof.
Most recently, the Home Secretary has been subjected to severe criticism over the news that over 4000 suspected criminals have jumped bail or failed to appear in court in London over the past two years.
A spokeswoman for the Home Office commented on the situation for us: "The necessary number of 'escapees before incarceration' required to help ease prison overcrowding has been blown completely out of proportion and misrepresented by the news media as a danger to public safety, simply because the Deputy Prime Minister has been so inactive that there are spare column inches to waste on this total non-story. Simple business as usual has been made to look like a blunder that threatens the public; scare tactics by mindless opponents of the Government."
When asked why all news organisations seem to be reporting stories to which only opponents of the Government give any credence, the spokeswoman declined to comment. She did go on to say that only 500 of the escaped suspected-convicts are accused of committing serious and violent crimes, and under the United Kingdom justice system, they are all innocent until proven guilty.
"The fact that these people thought their case was so weak that they had to run from the courts to avoid a jail sentence cannot be held against them. They are all still innocent, and as such should pose no greater risk to the public than any other individual."
Some opposition MPs have suggested that private bail bond companies be employed to hunt down these runaways in order that the task not become a distraction to the police. However, this proposal has been condemned by Tony Blair, who said that it is no distraction at all to the police and that if they suddenly caught all of the criminals that they are supposed to, they would have no prison space to put them all and would just have to release them, all at an enormous cost to the tax payer.
The Prime Minister's comments were met with a cacophony of cheers and calls of support in the House of Commons, but most of the MPs present couldn't hear anything after the announcement of John Prescott being fired.
