Ahmadinejad: Cultural Learnings of Britain for make benefit glorious nation of Iran
5 Apr 2007 by Sir Charles Cheese-Cake
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is to release a mockumentary in which he fools 15 British sailors into thinking he is a very nice man and definitely not a power-crazed lunatic, hell-bent on the destruction of the West "or anything like that". The Iranian president, who has "absolutely no desire to build nuclear weapons and take over the world (honest!)", announced that he will soon release a feature film showing his hilarious antics."Jagshamesh, Infidels! Please you go see my moviefilm – is nice!" said Ahmadinejad at a Tehran press conference, accompanied by a donkey and the Iranian Olympic bobsleigh team.
The spoof film's plot centres on the adventures of the overtly anti-Semitic president as he seeks to embarrass his arch enemies, Bush and Blair – "they are having always hand-parties with each other and wearing blue hats!" he exclaims in one scene.
Ahmadinjad manages to capture some British service personnel who he then delights in parading on state national television, much to the annoyance of the British. "They can kiss my anoos!" he says.
In one terribly funny sequence the president somehow manages to convince the captured sailors to wear extremely ill-fitting suits before bamboozling them with bizarre questions and statements such as "you enjoy your holiday in Iran?", "why you let your women in the u&k download cigarettes?" and "I make a romance explosion in Tony Blair's back pussy – yes?"
Eventually Ahmadinejad decides to release the sailors as a gift to Britain "for not invading my country yet".
A White House spokesman denied that President Bush was leaning on the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences not to give the film an Oscar on national security grounds.
