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21st November
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The Royals

Middleton’s mum "jangled keys" in pocket

Kate Middleton's split from Prince William was sealed when her mother "jangled her car keys" in her pocket in full view of The Queen at a race meeting last month, friends of the future King have revealed.

The incident is said to have sparked a huge row at the Palace and left Her Majesty in a scorching fury which only subsided when joy at Dagenham and Redbridge's promotion to the football league, on which she had bet a large part of Buckinghamshire, intervened.

Palace sources say a distraught William was left with no choice but to end his four-year relationship. He was only cheered when – in an unusually sensitive moment - grandfather Prince Philip reminded him he would now be able to "fuck around a bit".

The Middleton family – whose two-bed, semi detached home in Bootle-sous-Mer has been besieged by reporters – have insisted the key jangling was an innocent mistake and that Kate's mum was only trying to temporarily relieve painful razor burns.

But court insiders were adamant the gesture had been made in a "suggestive manner" and implied that the offence was compounded by an invitation to the Monarch to "get it on Corgi-style" in a variety of dogging locations in West Sussex.

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