New threat level announced to combat rising calm
16 Jul 2007 by Jack Davidson
Following last month's car bomb attacks on London and Glasgow, the Home Office has proposed the introduction of a new threat level to supersede the current highest of 'critical'. A provisional title of "berserker level" – indicating mass hysteria as the appropriate public response - has been suggested with Home Secretary Jacqui Smith keen to re-ignite the culture of constant terror that appears to have subsided in the UK.A Government green paper released today revealed that the raising of the threat level to "Berserker" would be marked by nationwide sirens that would emit a high-frequency "scream" – consisting of a barrage of obscenities and racial slurs - for bursts of 25 minutes at a time. Due legal process would be suspended with nightclub bouncers and traffic wardens obtaining the right to imprison people at will.
Members of the public would be encouraged to barricade themselves indoors with a variety of homemade weapons until the sirens ceased and the threat level was lowered.
Mrs Smith said: "This is amps turned up to 11 time. Critical just does not have the same impact it once did and so it is my job to constantly find ways to frighten the British public. The only way we can defeat this terrorist threat is by mass panic and the repeal of dangerous civil liberties."
The move comes as the general public appears to have become jaded to the now familiar sight of terrorist attacks on British soil. This was illustrated in Glasgow last month, when, seconds after a suspected terrorist crashed a jeep into the airport terminal, he was mobbed by Glaswegian holiday makers asking him to pose for photographs.
Gregory T Mullet, of action group Safety Through Panic, said: "I had noticed my overall level of fear dropping over the past few months and I think this move really addresses that. These are drastic times and they require ridiculous measures."
Other Home Office schemes to have been suggested recently include having everybody surrender their home and car keys to the Government in the event of a terrorist attack and outlawing the wearing of Burqas, heavy overcoats and dungarees after they were revealed to be ideal for concealing explosives.
