Big Brother contestant with discernable intelligence - shock
20 Jul 2007 by R J Adams
The Big Brother house was today still reeling from the discovery that Clifford Jones (30), a writer and university lecturer from Greater Manchester, is able to display a number of unique talents which have stunned his fellow contestants. The incident happened in the early hours of Friday morning after housemates had spent an evening enjoying champagne, jelly and ice cream - a reward for passing their 'Walking and talking at the same time' task.
At approximately 12.30am, during a heated argument between intoxicated 'wannabe' glamour model Stacy and this year's camp bloke Trev over which football player has the best haircut, a clearly sober Mr Jones shocked his fellow housemates by displaying not only compromise and understanding, but also the ability to grasp other concepts such as reason, wit and the capacity for abstract thought.
Jones was immediately summoned to the diary room to explain his actions and was warned that there would be 'serious consequences'. He then apologised to his shell-shocked housemates.
Channel 4 has yet to comment, but insiders suggest that heads will roll over what is increasingly being seen as an oversight of epic proportions. Staff have barely recovered from last year's major controversy, when young 'ironic comedian' Ricky Racist shocked housemates and viewers alike by displaying a basic understanding of English, maths and science.
The producers of Big Brother this morning apologised "for any offence or undue stress" that the programme had caused. "We realise that there is no place for the behaviour or opinions expressed by Mr Jones on modern television," a spokesman said. "We will take steps to ensure that next year's contestants are all certified cretins, as viewers expect."
