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25th April
Updated from time to time

Water shortage latest

DeadBrain's correspondents around the country bring you the latest on the current water shortages brought about by flooding.

"Us Brits"

Tewksbury: The water shortage is bringing the best out of the Brits! The spirit of the blitz has been called upon yet again - and us Brits have stepped up to the bowser - some people have stepped up five or six times leaving others without a drop. Tally ho! Prime Minister Gordon Brown has said there will be a review.

"It's great"

Oxford: Other people have been seen stockpiling bottled water and then re-selling it to the thirsty. "I for one think it is great that Thatcherism lives on in these trying times," said a man named Tony Blair. Baroness Thatcher herself said, "It's great." Gordon Brown said an urgent inquiry would take place.

"It's nothing"

Worcester: One old war veteran said he had seen men go mad from thirst. And this after Gordon Brown said the government could cope with the crisis. "It's nothing," said the vet. "I once went five days without water - in Burma." On saying this he was then quickly relieved of his rations by a small youth. The Prime Minister said that the situation would be looked at.


Gloucester: One onlooker told DeadBrain, "With all the evacuations, people looking scared, looters running around, fights, anger and in some cases sheer terror, it is like a scene out of 28 Days Later. And it's even worse now since the floods and water shortage."

"12 long years"

Bootle: Experts on urban drainage said they've been saying for 12 long years that such a catastrophe was bound to happen and that successive governments have paid no attention. Gordon Brown said a "very urgent committee will be set up to have urgent talks about the urgency to do something urgent. Urgently." He added: "Nobody could have foreseen this. Nobody."
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