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1st November
Updated from time to time

Bush: Pakistan may join the "Axle of Evil"

The President of Pakistan, General Musharraf, has been ignoring Condoleezza Rice's calls, according to sources in the White House. Ed Balls, too, has only been able to leave messages on the answer machine. "Apparently, the army general isn't interested in Rice or Balls," said an insider. Foreign Secretary David Miliband has conceded that it should be him making the phone calls, since it's his job, but that would require sacrificing a "unique and immature word-play opportunity", something that would be "simply unacceptable".

Pakistan today saw another crackdown on what General Musharraf has declared "opponents of democracy". These have included lawyers, human rights activists, students, vegetarians and judges. People have thrown rocks at the police, and the police have responded by throwing rocks back. An inside source, who wishes to remain anonymous, told DeadBrain that it's completely impossible to tell who is throwing the bigger rocks, and they are indeed most likely to be the same rocks.

It is feared that the situation is steadily sliding out of control. Pakistan is a frontline state in the fight against terrorism and it has also been controlled by various military dictatorships in the last decade. Many of them have toppled democratic governments. The US and the UK have attempted to resolve the situation by sending large amounts of aid to the country's military with some success. Pakistan also borders Afghanistan and Iran, which experts say is most likely a bad thing.

Late yesterday evening it was confirmed that George W. Bush has been banned from any meeting with Musharraf for repeatedly referring to him as 'general mush', and for asking him to release all the monks he has imprisoned. The US has declared its "great disappointment" at the emergency rule implemented by General Musharraf. A White House statement yesterday declared that any country led by a leader who was also Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces would be considered "non-democratic, non-Western, and a member of the Axle of Evil".

Only moments ago the US released a second, apparently unconnected, statement announcing that 'gullible' is "like totally in the dictionary", but 'hypocrite' has recently been removed due to a "lack of cooperation".
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