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2004-06-04 12:09:44
Tony is in a bad mood. His "best friend", George, is visiting other leaders in Europe but not him. Charles compares it to being dumped.
2004-06-03 15:41:45
Oh Brother warns John that he and another housemate may be kicked out if he continues behaving badly. John tells Oh Brother to go **** himself.
2004-06-02 21:15:14
Unsurprisingly, there has been nothing of interest to report over the last two days, save for a brief expedition on to the roof of the shed by John, who promptly fell through it. Indeed, the housemates have become so bored (and boring) that they have created an imaginary friend. "Big Widdy", as she is to be known, gives the housemates instructions to do weird, wonderful and most of all tedious tasks, such as shouting in a high-pitched voice about nothing in particular. Iain proved to be especially effective at this when Clare stood on him.
2004-05-31 22:16:08
Charles parades around the house wearing nothing but an apron. He asks Gordon to rub lotion on his naked rear but Gordon refuses. Iain says he will on the condition that Charles unties him. Charles rejects his offer.
2004-05-31 15:48:55
John makes a fool of himself.
2004-05-31 15:05:25
Oh Brother has restocked the fridge with beer as a generous Bank Holiday gift. An announcement to the housemates said that the gift was purely for their benefit and not a pathetic attempt at getting them drunk so they would make a fool of themselves on television. John says he doesn’t give a monkey’s either way and starts on the beer. Clare has a cup of tea instead, while Michael offers Iain a glass of water.
2004-05-31 10:30:22
John makes his way downstairs after a bad night's sleep, complaining loudly about the "sick" dreams he had had about the noises he alleged came from the bathroom during the night. He falls over Iain, who lets out a cry of pain. John responds in his usual polite manner and Iain is silenced. He and Charles enjoy the first of many Bank Holiday beers.
2004-05-31 05:55:19
Commando Iain again slips out of the bathroom in which he has been hiding to fetch supplies, but this time there is a surprise in store for him. An unlikely alliance of Michael and Clare is lying in wait for him. Iain is felled by a swift blow to the neck from Michael and pinned down by Clare. When he begs for mercy the pair drag him downstairs and tie him to to a radiator. They then return upstairs to the bathroom and, with the rest of the housemates asleep, enjoy a long-awaited steamy bath.
2004-05-30 17:18:42
The housemates spend a lazy afternoon enjoying the sunshine out in the garden. They are disturbed, however, by a group of youths shouting abuse and kicking the garden fence. Tony launches into a rant about anti-social behaviour after John throws stones at them and tells them to f*** off. Charles, who had been left in charge of starting the barbeque, lost his eyebrows after pouring on some white spirit "to get it started".
2004-05-30 09:09:36
Tony leads morning prayer. He throws Holy water over Michael as he attempts to join in. The Conservative leader backs away in a cloud of steam.
2004-05-30 05:03:28
Iain is now extremely hungry. With the rest of the housemates asleep he makes his way downstairs to gather supplies. He returns to the bathroom before anyone notices.
2004-05-30 00:41:47
The housemates settle down for their second night in the house after a boring and uneventful day. Tensions are frayed after a series of arguments about the private finance initiative. Michael insisted that it was his idea but Tony and Gordon argued that it was theirs. Clare and John denounced it as a bad idea no matter whose it was. Iain stayed out of the argument and in the bathroom, further irritating Charles who wanted access to his toothbrush. Clare sleeps in an armchair following John's "accident" in her bed.
2004-05-29 23:53:40
John is feeling ill after a bad curry. He attempts to use the bathroom but Iain refuses to let him in. He throws up in Clare's bed instead.
2004-05-29 21:00:22
Charles receives a call from fellow Lib Dem Lembit Opik who instructs him to watch the film Deep Impact on BBC1. He spends the rest of the evening warning the other housemates that the end of the world is nigh and a penny on income tax could prevent mankind's extinction. John makes his feelings on the matter clear, using the word "bollocks" repeatedly, while Tony asks Gordon to assess the potential impact of an asteroid strike on his poll ratings.
2004-05-29 18:49:28
The housemates sit down for their evening meal but are disappointed to find that there is no waiter service. They are even more disappointed to find that there is no food, either. John calls for a take-away while Charles tries to find a number for a local off-licence to see whether they do home deliveries.
2004-05-29 17:00:39
Tony and John have spent the afternoon watching the Division One play-off final. Tony cheered on both sides, insisting that he had been a lifelong fan of each, while John repeatedly pleaded with the players to "have a good punch-up". Clare eyed the pair suspiciously from the kitchen while Iain listened to the game on a radio he smuggled into the bathroom.
2004-05-29 13:30:24
The housemates share their lunch of beans on toast. Iain goes without and remains in the bathroom. Michael and Gordon are disappointed to find that there is no wine. John refuses to give up any of "his" lager.
2004-05-29 10:45:28
Michael is reading a book on witchcraft in the garden. He places a garden gnome and a frog in a bucket and begins chanting. John points out that the gnome resembles another former housemate and cabinet member.
2004-05-29 09:12:53
Tony performs his morning yoga exercises in the garden. John attempts to join him but the sight puts Charles off his morning fry-up. John retreats inside and takes the breakfast for himself.
2004-05-29 06:35:08
In a daring military-like operation, "Commando" Iain makes his way downstairs for supplies in order to prolong his stay in the bathroom. He meets with Charles in the kitchen who has now woken and is listening to Radio 4 on a personal stereo he has smuggled in. The pair do a deal: Charles keeps the stereo and Iain keeps the bathroom. He returns there immediately without food.
2004-05-29 05:03:19
John creeps downstairs for a snack and falls over Charles, putting a large dent in the fridge in the process. He loses his appetite after seeing what Charles has deposited in the corner of the kitchen and returns to bed. Charles turns over and resumes his sleep.
2004-05-28 23:58:42
Greetings over, the housemates retire to bed, with the exception of Iain who remains in the bathroom. John complains noisily and relieves himself on a pot plant before bagging the double bed for himself. The other housemates spread themselves between the two remaining beds, the sofa and armchairs. Charles is out cold on the kitchen floor.
2004-05-28 23:22:25
Tolerance turns to fear as Tony and John realise that if both of them are inside the house then Gordon must be running the country. They begin to fear for their jobs as Gordon arrives at the house, complete with red box full of paperwork. While instantly irritated by his presence, they are pleased that he has not been left running the show. Just who might be in charge of the country in their absence appears to be a secondary concern.
2004-05-28 23:20:25
John enters the house, belching loudly. He greets the housemates with a string of expletives (he is clearly not pleased to see who they are) except for Tony, who gets his customary "Alright, Tone?
2004-05-28 23:10:24
Tony enters the house after a thorough security check. He is irritated by each of the housemates in turn and announces that he is going home. Finding that the door is locks, he decides to go upstairs and climb out of the bathroom window. Despite Tony's repeated banging on the door, Iain refuses to come out.
2004-05-28 23:04:54
Tony arrives outside the house, complete with ten security guards.
2004-05-28 22:57:03
Clare is next into the house. She is disappointed to be the only woman - and more importantly the only Brummie - there and sits down looking dejected. Charles offers her a drink if she has one.
2004-05-28 22:53:11
Police have now established that John stopped off for a curry on the way to the house. He is now back inside one of his Jaguars (along with a large quantity of food) while his other Jaguar waits for the rest of his order.
2004-05-28 22:47:00
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my godddd!!!!
2004-05-28 22:44:08
Michael is the next into the house. He starts an argument with Charles about the war in Iraq but doesn't realise Iain is upstairs.
2004-05-28 22:30:20
Iain is the next contestant to enter the house. Upon seeing Charles he adopts a defensive pose before running upstairs and locking himself in the bathroom.
2004-05-28 22:27:17
Police say that one of John's Jaguars is still blocking the road and its occupant is missing. Officers have started a search of local burger bars.
2004-05-28 22:23:58
Charles is the first contestant to enter the house. He begins searching for alcohol in the kitchen but settles for a cup of tea after a five-minute hunt.
2004-05-28 22:20:46
Reports are coming in of a series of "accidents" involving televisions after a number of people watching Big Brother, an inferior version of Oh Brother, put their fists through their televisions out of sheer irritation from watching the first contestant, Marco, for ten seconds.
2004-05-28 22:14:23
The contestants are on their way. John's Jaguars have caused a jam on the Hull ring road but the police assure us that it will be cleared soon.
2004-05-28 22:07:45
Millions tune in and thousands gather outside the house... but nobody can hear a thing! Off to a good start.
2004-05-28 22:00:25
Want to know some more about the plot of Oh Brother? Check out the story so far.
2004-05-28 22:00:00
And so it begins...
Stay tuned as the housemates enter their new residence for the first time.
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Day 3
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