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Dead Brain

Unveiled Dan Brown sequel : ‘The Rolf Harris Code’

Dan Brown, the cash-grabbing profiteer and alleged author, has revealed the title of his latest money-spinning novel. Like its predecessor, “The Rolf Harris Code” will again feature an improbable mix of fact and fiction that will no doubt convince yet more stupid yanks that everything Dan Brown says is true and not made up or […]

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Dead Brain

“Bogeys” to feature as Olympic sport in 2012

The IOC today announced its decision to grant Olympic status to the game of “bogeys”, made famous by the BBC’s very own cheeky chappies, Dick and Dom. With Rugby Union snubbed by officials yet again the news has caught many British Olympic Committee members off-guard, not least Lord Coe. “I’m delighted by this news,” said […]

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Dead Brain

BREAKING NEWS: Fox News declares Conservative victory

Fox “fair and balanced” News has declared Michael Howard‘s Conservative Party the winner by a landslide in today’s election, capturing at least 640 of the 645 seats that are up for grabs. Gordon Brown is apparently the only member of the government to have held his seat, with the rest going to the Lib Dems. With […]

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Dead Brain

GM gets go-ahead; UK to be eaten by giant plant by Monday

The UK will be devoured by a colossal “maize monster” within a week, experts revealed today. The worrying news came after the government agreed to allow genetically-modified maize to be grown by farmers. According to Professor Douglas Ramsbottom, a scientist working for the pressure group People Against Frenetic Foods, studies have shown that tampering with […]

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Dead Brain

Blair briefly hospitalised after spontaneously combusting

Prime Minister Tony Blair was rushed to hospital earlier today after catching fire during a particularly passionate speech in which he defended his decision to help his best friend, US President “Boy” George W. Bush, invade Iraq. Mr. Blair was speaking in his Sedgefield constituency. He had just said “I believe with ever fibre of my body that […]

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Dead Brain

Bush congratulates scientists, makes own Mars discovery

President Bush has congratulated the NASA scientists who sent a probe to Mars for their success in returning high-quality colour pictures and announced that he too has made a dramatic space-related discovery. In what will be widely interpreted as an attempt to rub the Europeans’ noses in it after the failure of their mission to find […]

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Dead Brain

Archbishop of Canterbury authorizes burning of American Episcopalians

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams, today responded to efforts by the American members of the Anglican Communion to elect an openly gay bishop by declaring the Episcopal Church of the United States of America to be in schism with the Church of England and ordering its members to be arrested and burnt. “The […]

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Dead Brain

Bush unwittingly replaced by monkey in suit

US Special Services fell into “frenzied disarray” yesterday following the discovery that US President George W Bush had been unwittingly replaced by a monkey in a suit. The conspiracy was exposed yesterday upon the discovery of the real “Boy” George Bush, on a plane in Zaire, where a cleaner found him slumped on a toilet […]

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Dead Brain

Bush falls, hits head, declares war on U.S.

US President “Boy” George W Bush stunned the world today when, after taking a fall and bumping his head while dressed in full tank commander regalia, he got up and immediately declared war on the USA. “I have realised that we have weapons of mass destruction, so according to my doctrine of pre-emptive strikes to […]