Dead Brain

Exclusive: Blair-Brown fight blamed on stolen toy car

The latest spat between Tony Blair and Gordon Brown is the fault of the two fathers’ children, DeadBrain can reveal.

This most recent round of troubles began when Mr Blair and his youngest son, Leo, visited Mr Brown and his eldest son, John, at 11 Downing Street. A bored Leo was kept occupied with one of John’s few toys – a small wooden car, believed to have been bought from Oxfam – while the two politicians discussed matters of state, such as who could urinate highest up a wall.

DeadBrain’s source says that, upon leaving 11 Downing Street after the conversation – which unusually descended into a shouting match only eight times – finished, Leo Blair took John Brown’s toy car with him without the Chancellor noticing. When a furious Mr Brown hammered on the door of Number 10 to demand the return of the car later that night, Mr Blair initially denied having the car, only to be caught out when it fell out of his pocket.

A short row ensued, during which Mr Brown accused Mr Blair of being “a dirty stinking liar, as per bloody usual”. Mr Blair’s response was that Leo hadn’t finished playing with the aforementioned toy, and that Mr Brown could have his turn with it “within a year” following an “orderly transition”.

Although there is currently a public truce between the two sides, the toy has still not been returned. Mr Blair and Mr Brown are speaking only through John Prescott, which is thought to be adding great confusion to matters. Leo Blair is meanwhile not speaking with John Brown and his baby brother James, although Brownites say that in James Brown’s case this is because he is a baby and at present unable to talk.